If I Could Talk To Me - Poem By: Ryan O'Keefe

At 16 you sure are your father's son, your path, our journey is a turbulent one.

Dad's gonna pass leaving you confused and needing his guidance and love.

You'll be there for mommy and at times it'll be a lot for you, so you'll judge.

She knows her baby boy and really appreciated those hugs.

You won't know what to do with unidentified emotions, so you tuck them away,

You won't escape their gravity; it will be a forced confrontation one day.

You're about to meet a girl and think that she's the one,

And learn a valuable lesson from her about how you give love.

Should I tell you about the flags and what the colors mean?

Nah, you'd probably ignore me anyway, you're an invincible teen.

I know I can't shield you from this experience, our journey must play out.

If I help you correct the mistakes you're gonna make, this me might never come out.

You'll think that you have found the love of your life.

Even when you feel somethings off something ain't right.

There's no playbook, no manual, no blueprint to show you the way.

No GPS, can't google what you feel, no directions, no waze.

You're gonna get lost together but stay together and navigate the maze.

You love her when she hates you, she loves you when she's drained you.

You want to do better and be better deep down you really do,

But it's impossible to fix things that you never really knew.

Her family will become yours and you'll cultivate and love them as such.

Our family welcomes her and loves just as much as they love us.

She could understand that kind of love and it becomes too much.

So you alienate your family trying to keep the peace at home.

The distance you create because of who you chose makes you feel alone.

You'll both find purpose raising two kids and then tying the knot.

Neglecting emotional development, not knowing it's how toxicity is taught.

Still, you both push on, attaching yourselves to the potential of each other.

Defending yourself against accusations from her like she was your mother.

That becomes the part that you play as a toxic and codependent lover.

You appreciate her sister for the man she chose to spend her life with.

He becomes closer than a brother you'll look up to and confide in.

He'll pass way too soon leaving you with shared dreams and unfinished business.

Remember those emotions that you tried to put away? They're about to resurface.

You'll resist them again to be strong for her, strengthen that bond,

When her brother passes from cancer, way too soon, gone.

You'll keep going, still running from these familiar emotions, undefined.

They start to shut you down when backed into a corner letting that unchecked ego drive.

Reflecting now what an amazing quality, that courage, that resilience, that grit.

You only want to be seen, be checked up on but didn't know how to express it.

Not investigating emotions was a choice and you chose to make it.

You'll experience betrayal and learn that there are two forms that define it.

The physical kind, that time, still painful, before the rings,

You opted for forgiveness and hoped for better things.

The emotional kind, that time it almost broke your spirit when the kids were grown.

You gave her the option on how to choose you, a responsibility she did not want to own.

She'll choose that someone else and let him into her heart,

Because finding new supply to fill the void was easier than being smart.

You'll come to understand at some point that determination becomes desperation,

And hate the fact that permanent distance might be the only solution.

Depression begins to sink it's mental hooks in you,

Excruciating pain and anguish will take its run at you,

You'll be so distraught and out of your mind you won't know who to turn to.

Instinctively you'll reach out to your only sister she's someone that always got you.

500 miles away you begin to tackle the emotions of your past,

Try to uncover all the issues you wish you didn't have,

You can see all your faults, and the things you did after breaking free.

Severing that love, as hard as it was, being brave choosing me,

Is the best decision you could have made, you set the love of your life free,

And that courageous choice will lead you right back to me.

You'll be witness to a war between your heart and your mind.

You'll want to be unapologetically angry and you'll want to be compassionately kind.

The contradiction of life is painfully apparent this late,

You'll learn that nothing is forever and lose hope in fate.

But never lose hope in us because us is the way.

You're gonna get seriously curious about why you do what you do.

Driven by the pain you've felt so you don't suffer the same with someone new.

Be a light in your darkness until you meet me,

Let go of the past but hang on tightly,

There is more to this life, the proof is, this me.

You'll have to be patient, just wait you'll see,

I'm here, excited for you to meet this better me.

A beautifully aware compassionate evolved human healed internally.

Man....If only....I could just talk to me.

Poetry Written By:

Ryan O'Keefe

Poetry Published By:

Eryn Dunbar